You know the scene – you move something from one cupboard to another in the kitchen and then someone can’t find it. The worse thing is when you do it yourself. Last week I found myself at my in-laws house wanting to throw something in the bin. They’d moved it and showed me where they’d put it. Not 2 minutes later I had something else and went back to the old spot until my father-in-law graciously pointed to where it was, again.
As we all laughed it made me think: although the bin had moved, it hadn’t transitioned in my mind. You see, change is physical but transition is physiological.
Remember the old saying, “There’s only two things for sure: death and the income tax!” The point is – change is inevitable and unless we adapt to it we won’t grow.
Tim and I have been married 9 years and although we were “ready” for Isaac, we weren’t prepared for the drastic change that would happen. Sure people had told us that we wouldn’t be able to just go out for breakfast on a whim, or jet off to Alaska for the weekend. But we weren’t prepared for someone needing our attention 24/7. We changed very quickly! If we hadn’t changed he wouldn’t have had cleaner diapers, food or cuddles at all but that part was the “easy” bit. The hardest bit, the part that at 6 months I finally feel better about, is the transition.
My life has changed. I’m no longer the world-travelling, late night, lots of projects girl I was. I’m different. I’m the new me. The new me with Isaac and let me tell ya, I’m loving it!
Transition is really difficult and it’s because it’s in our minds. We can change the location of something but if we don’t get used to the change, we’ll keep going back to the same spot.
It’s also difficult because we’ve always done things one way and now they’re different. We’re creatures of habit and when the habit is broken, it’s hard to move on.
Sometimes we get stuck in a rut and we always do it that way because it’s what we do. It doesn’t make it right, just what we do!
So, if change is inevitable, what can we do to go with the flow? It reminds me of a story in the Bible. The Israelites came out of slavery in Egypt but because they didn’t accept the transition they wandered in the desert for 40 years, most of them never seeing the Promised Land. 40 years!!!
We have to realize change is inevitable AND change is good. Yup, I said it, change is GOOD! Some things that have helped in this new Mummy journey are:
***Find friends for encouragement. I read in a magazine that you need 3 types of girlfriends –
1) The one without kids for going out with to relax, 2) The one with a new baby around your baby’s age, and 3) The Veteran Mum
This has been so true for me. The Veterans have helped me avoid trips to the doctor to ask if his poop is the normal colour! I’ve swapped stories and tips with The Mums in the Same Boat and have run out to the stores with The One Without Kids while hubby took Isaac. When times got hard one of The Veterans kept telling me – “this too shall pass”. And you know what, she was right!
***Rejoice in the change! I have a girlfriend who’s son is 2. She is refusing to call it The Terrible Twos and is calling his every fit-throwing moment, The Terrific Twos!
***Give yourself a break. You are not Super Mum! You are not able to cook, clean, wash, shop, and take care of the baby all the time! Sometimes Tim will come home and the house is a pig-sty. I’m so grateful he doesn’t look at me and wonder what I’ve been doing.
***You can’t always control things so don’t try. Big one for me! Change brings those feelings around that we’re losing control.
The great thing is that Jesus doesn’t change. Hebrews 13:8 says, “Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today and forever.” We can lean on Him for help, pray to Him for advice and feel loved by Him if we allow Him.
One good thing is to look back and thank God for His faithfulness. Learn from the Israelites and refuse to wander for 40 years.
Change is here – embrace it!
**If you’re a new Mum in the area and don’t have the support network around that I’m talking about, please email me. I know for me that the only thing that helped was support and encouragement and I don’t know how I would have managed without it.