I am 25 years old. I am still young, but my dark brown hair has a few strands of gray finding their way to the surface, I have scars and the stories that go with them… and now I have my own little one being formed inside of me.
At times, I fear the world we are bringing our little child into. But the things I have believed since childhood, and which have grown stronger and more firmly set into my heart and mind as I have grown older and seen the joys and pain of this world, have given me hope – and I know that they will be the greatest gift I give to our children.
I believe that no matter how hopeless, how painful, how purposeless this world may seem, there is a loving Creator behind it all, offering to give us life in the midst of our living. For I have discovered that life is much more than the breath I breathe or the steps I take. True life is found when I reach back up to the God who made me and live each day knowing Him, and therefore seeing myself and the purpose with which I was created more clearly as time goes by.
Some may think that I believe this because I have never seen the reality of this world. But I have held dying children in my arms, wondering how long they will live before starvation and disease take them away. I have cried along with dear friends who are suffering the deep, searing consequences of their own choices – and I have cried with those who suffer due to the choices others have made for them and evil committed against them. I have wrestled with the reality of death, cancer, pain, evil, poverty, and injustice. Perhaps the things I have been allowed to see in my 25 short years have brought a depth of understanding along with the strands of gray shimmering in my hair.
Yes, it is not naivete which causes me to passionately believe this. It is looking in the face of the realities of this world which causes me to realize that the only explanation for all of this is a loving God’s relentless pursuit of a creation in rebellion, and I thank Him every day for not giving up the pursuit of my own rebellious heart.
And so, I rest my hand upon my swelling belly and entrust this tiny human being into the hands of my loving Father God who has brought me safe thus far, knowing that He will do the same for my little child.
My little one, my dearest prayer is that you trust Him. For whatever suffering and pain you will face in this world, you can find hope, meaning, purpose – and real life – in the hands of the God who has never lost control… and will never stop pursuing you.
This I believe – and always will.
Kristi is a full time wife and mommy. When she is not trying to thwart her 1 year old’s efforts to engage in a variety of dangerous and destructive activities or learning about butterfly metamorphosis with her 3 year old, she is drinking coffee. When she is not doing any of the above, you will find her blogging about motherhood, womanhood, homekeeping, and knowing God through His Word at http://runwatchplaywait.blogspot.com.